To Erika,

Relating to what I’ve briefly explained to you and the other CPs before, I identify as GenderQueer. I’ve been giving it some thought since this is sort of new for me, claiming myself as this other identity—It’s just a word, right? Kind of like PGPs, right? For me, I honestly don’t have a preference if you call me a “she,” “he,” “they” or “them,” as long as you take me seriously and respect me as a decent human being. At the same time, words make so much of an impact. To say PGPs matter, to explain the concept of Preferred Gender Pronouns to so many different folks in all of my spaces and the places I go, I’m making an impact. To say I’m GenderQueer, and to say I prefer gender-neutral pronouns tells people that they can’t easily assume my nor anyone else’s identity off of physical characteristics. And to further boggle their minds, I’ll tell them that binaries don’t exist.

I’m down with people staring at me with confused eyes because that’s what my homies who are trans and don’t generally pass have to deal with. I’m not going to just sit &enjoy all of my passing-cis-privilege. I’ll put up with the general confusion, the inappropriate questions, and the long stares because it’s starting up conversation and it’s hopefully putting them on the road of checking themselves.

But at the same time, do I have the right to call myself GenderQueer? I mean, I’ve never fully identified as a girl or woman. Growing up I didn’t & still don’t quite abide by the dominant society’s gender roles/norms. Even when I was younger, like 5 or so I would run around my house shirtless claiming that I was a boy. I wanted to be the green power ranger. My favorite colors were green, blue, and red. Up until 5th grade, I’d come out of the shower and slick my hair back with a comb and talk to my reflection in a deep voice. I dressed masc. I loved playing rough sports. I liked teasing girls. I always knew I was a tomboy, but did that have anymore implications? I’m not so sure if I’m “qualified” enough to call myself GenderQueer :/ I think about restrooms a lot, and how I still pass as a female. I still use the female restroom freely and feel that I’m almost undeserving to claim myself as being GenderQueer. If I truly identified as GenderQueer, I would make myself find a gender-neutral restroom, not matter how inconvenient that is, right?

Also, I feel like I’m almost turning my back on womyn by not identifying as a womyn. By identifying as a womyn and by being me, I could show that womyn can regularly defy gender norms, but if I don’t identify as a womyn then I’m leaving less queer representation for them…